嫉妒與慈悲

 

 

 

 

  

「犀利人妻」這一齣膾炙人口的偶像劇創造了台灣電視收視的奇蹟,這部戲會紅並不是沒有道理,因為它的主題與內容恰恰反映出現代社會日益嚴重的婚姻問題, 引起諸多婦女觀眾的共鳴,也創造了一個新的代名詞「小三」。所謂的「小三」就是指介入別人家庭婚姻的第三者,可以是男,也可以是女,但通常以女性居多。在面對小三蠻橫地介入自己的婚姻生活,大多數女人的正常反應都是憤怒、惶恐、和迷惘。

 

當大家談及「小三」時多是抱著輕蔑鄙夷的態度,這是因為她們除了破壞別人的家庭幸福以外,有些人的目的是出於追求金錢或利益,因此為人所不齒。然而情感的背叛所帶來的傷害對於男女雙方往往並不對等,男人偷腥可以說成是「逢場作戲」,至少在傳統的東方社會上是較受到包容的;而元配若無獨立的經濟能力,恐怕也只有暗夜獨自淚沾枕襟,勉強自己接受既成 的殘酷事實。至於小三更好不到哪去,多半是形單影隻咀嚼著孤獨,夜夜期盼有朝一日能扶成正宮。問題是「獻身」也極可能換不到幸福的歸宿,往往是賠了夫人又折兵,自己的青春年華與名聲就這樣伴著歲月一天天的折耗,這就是多數小三的宿命。

 

對於佛教在家女弟子,如果婚姻正面臨崩盤的危機,既然無法改變也無法逃避事實,不妨且將小三的出現當作是一次修行的考驗。提醒自己保持「正見」、「正念」、「正思惟」,去思考「小三」的介入是一種因緣,這個因緣暴露出男人對婚姻的態度是否負責,讓你更看清他是不是能夠承擔以後的生活,也可讓你醒悟這世上沒有天長地久的愛情,沒有永恆不變的「人」、「事」、「物」。你的婚姻是有因、有緣所產生的一種短暫的聚合關係,如今也有因、有緣開始破滅消逝。打從一開始,誰也不屬於誰,你的老公從來就不是你的,是你自認為是屬於你的,一旦你發現他不如想像中這般的愛你,你的自尊、信心與感情自然會深受打擊,痛苦的不能自己。他有因有緣地闖進了你的人生,現在又緣盡緣滅的逕自離去。他不請自來,又倏忽離去。對於這樣的人生過客,你又何須悲傷?

 

也許,你的婚姻本來就已病入膏肓,只因為小三的出現提早摧毀了這病態的關係。身為一個優秀的在家五戒女弟子,你需要做的不是去主動檢驗愛情,但也不是恐懼愛情被檢驗。不管你的事業有多成功,長得有多漂亮,有多少的財產,有多麼強大的家世和背景,這些世間的附加品都是虛幻不實,終究會逝去,不能保證你平安與喜樂。因為真正的幸福不應該是建立在依附、依戀別人的身上或外在的環境,而應該是不論何時、何地,都能放下執著,勇於坦然面對無常,重新開始,不害怕失去。

 

本經文的大意是講述佛陀時代的兩名非常優秀的在家女弟子的故事,這兩名女弟子分別叫鬱多羅(Uttara)及尸莉摩(Sirima)。鬱多羅是一位標準的在家五戒女弟子,並已證初果。因為夫家信奉外道,致使她婚後無法再像往昔般去供僧、持守八戒、聽聞正法。這種環境令她痛苦不堪,於是她花錢僱請名妓尸莉摩代替她服侍丈夫十五天。結果,尸莉摩混淆了自己的角色與地位,對鬱多羅心生嫉妒,欲取而代之。在一次的衝動之下,她拿起滾燙的熱油欲傷害鬱多羅,鬱多羅以不可思議的慈心之力躲過了災害,並感動了尸莉摩,令她成為三皈五戒的佛弟子,並成就初果。

 

選譯自南傳巴利英譯《法句經註釋書》

喬正一中譯於中華民國一○一年二月二十五日星期六八關齋戒日

 

打從鬱多羅嫁進夫家的那一天開始,她就不能再像往日般繼續供僧、布施、及聽聞正法。

 

經過了兩個月半的時間,有一天她問女僕:「雨季還要持續多久?」

 

「嗯,還有半個月的時間吧,女主人。」

 

 於是,鬱多羅立即寫信給她的父親,她寫道:「為何我的夫家要把我監禁起來?與其如此,倒不如在我身上烙印,將我打為女奴,都要比生活在這樣的外道家庭裡來得好。在這裡,我見不到比丘,也沒有任何機會可從事增益心靈的修行。」

 

       她的父親立即寄給她一萬五千塊銀幣,並附上一封信,裡面寫道:「唉!我可憐的女兒,我不知道妳原來是這麼的不快樂。城裡有一位名叫尸莉摩的名妓,夜渡資是以一夜一千塊銀幣計價。我給妳的這些錢可以拿去請她暫時代替妳的位置,那麼妳就有足夠的時間去從事有益心靈的修行了。」

 

        鬱多羅接受了父親的建議,立即邀請名妓尸莉摩到家中,對她說道:「朋友啊!這筆錢送給妳,並請妳從今晚開始替我照顧我的丈夫。」

 

        「好哇!」尸莉摩很樂於接受這項委託。

 

        鬱多羅帶著尸莉摩去見她的丈夫,當鬱多羅的丈夫一見尸莉摩,不解地問道:「妳這是什麼意思?」

 

        「老公,尸莉摩是來代替我晚上服侍你的女子。接下來的這幾天,我的這位朋友會是這個家的女主人。而我要利用這段時間去供僧及聞法。」

 

        鬱多羅的老公盯著艷光四射的尸莉摩,開始動了情,既然是妻子主動提出這項要求,他也欣然接受。

 

        就這樣,鬱多羅開始邀請以佛陀為首的僧團到家中接受供養,她對佛陀表示:「世尊啊,接下來的十五天可否請您及眾聖者一起光臨寒舍,接受我的供養?並請憐憫我,為我說法?」

 

        世尊默然表示同意。

 

        鬱多羅知道世尊已同意,心裡雀躍不已並歡呼道:「喔!接下來一直到雨安居結束的那一天,我都能有幸供養佛陀並聽聞正法了!」於是她趕緊到廚房忙著準備供僧的事。

 

        「明天就是佛教雨安居結束的日子了!」鬱多羅的丈夫站在窗口望著廚房,心裡想道:「哼!這個蠢女人不曉得在瞎忙些什麼!」當他望著鬱多羅忙進忙出,看著她的身體被汗水弄濕,被灰塵及煤炭弄黑,又想道:「喔!原來是這個傻瓜不喜歡享樂,是為了那些光頭的沙門忙成這樣!」便嘲笑鬱多羅。

 

        當鬱多羅的丈夫離開窗邊,尸莉摩看見他在笑,但她不知他在笑什麼,便順著他的視線望去,發現他是在看他的妻子,便生起猜忌的念頭:「原來他是在笑鬱多羅。哼!他們剛剛一定是趁我不在時偷歡!」

 

        尸莉摩在這十四天中一直沈醉在這個家庭的富貴與榮寵,混淆了自己的角色與地位,她一度以為自己才是這個家的女主人,忘了自己是第三者,不過是個過客而已。

 

        尸莉摩立即妒火中燒,失去了理智,打算傷害鬱多羅。於是她走進廚房,走向烤餅的地方,端起一鍋滾燙的油準備朝向鬱多羅潑灑去。

 

         面臨這一次的危機,鬱多羅的心中一點也不慌亂,她的心裡反而是這麼想著:「我的朋友幫了我這麼大的忙,整個世界與她對我的恩情相較起來是如此的狹小。正因為有她的幫忙,才使我得以有幸能供僧及聽聞正法。如果我對她心中懷有任何一絲的憎恨與敵意,那麼就讓那一鍋熱油把我給燙傷吧!但如果我的心中沒有恨,就讓我安然無恙!」

 

        鬱多羅的心中發了這個願,便對尸莉摩充滿著慈善愛意,當尸莉摩將熱油從鬱多羅的頭頂往下澆,鬱多羅只感到像是一盆冷水灌頂。尸莉摩發現沒傷到她,更增添憤怒,譏嗆道:「哼!看下一杓熱油是不是也那麼的清涼!」又舀起了第二杓熱油準備再度攻擊她。

 

        但這一次她被其他的女僕制止,大家對她罵道:「滾吧!妳這個邪惡的外道!誰准妳將熱油澆在我們家女主人的身上?」眾女僕開始對尸莉摩展開拳打腳踢,將她打趴在地上。雖然鬱多羅嘗試阻止,但仍無效。最後,她不得已只好擋在女僕與尸莉摩的中間,並問道:「妳為什麼要做出這麼邪惡的事?」接著她以熱水為尸莉摩清洗,並為她塗抹芳香的精油。

 

        尸莉摩終於恢復了理智,她終於瞭解到自己不過是一個「小三」。她意識到:「我真的做了一件不可原諒的惡行,只因為她的老公對她笑了一下,我竟以熱油傷害她。但是這個女人不但不生氣,還制止了女僕對我的攻擊。如果我再不乞求她的寬恕,我的頭就非常可能會碎裂成七塊!」於是,尸莉摩立即起身拜倒在鬱多羅的腳下,乞求她的原諒。

 

        鬱多羅回答:「如果讓我不再生死輪迴的父親肯原諒妳,我就願意原諒妳。」

 

        「好哇!我願意向妳的父親懺悔,但誰是讓妳不再生死輪迴的父親呢?」

 

        「他就是佛陀,是無上世尊。明天這位天人師會帶領眾比丘到我的家裡來,妳就隨妳的經濟許可準備一些供養品吧,妳可以當面向他懺悔。」

 

        尸莉摩便起身趕回自己的家中準備可供五百位比丘食用的供養品,第二天她帶著各種精美的食物及咖哩菜前往鬱多羅的家中。她見到了佛陀及眾比丘,但卻不敢抬頭望著佛陀,也不敢直接將食物放進比丘們的缽中,她只是靜靜的站在一旁,都是由鬱多羅為她打理一切。直到佛陀與僧眾都用完餐,她才跪在佛前懺悔。

 

        天人師問她:「妳犯了什麼錯?」

 

        「大師,昨天我竟然想要傷害我的朋友,但她不但不生氣,還對我散發善意,我深受感動,向她乞求原諒,她跟我說如果大師肯原諒我,她就願意寬恕我。」

 

        佛陀轉向鬱多羅問道:「這是真的嗎?鬱多羅。」

 

        「是的,世尊。」

 

        「那麼當時妳的心中是抱著什麼樣的想法?」

 

        「世尊,我對她充滿著慈愛與善意,我想到整個世界與她對我的恩情比起來是如此的微不足道,因為有她的幫忙,才能讓我有幸供養佛、法、僧。如果我心中懷有一絲的憎恨與敵意,就讓熱油燙傷我;但如果我沒有恨,就不會受傷!」

 

        佛陀說道:「善哉!善哉!鬱多羅,這的確是擺脫憤怒的正確方法,唯有慈愛善意才能熄滅憎恨;唯有戒除傷害與誹謗的惡行才能降服他人的傷害與誹謗;唯有布施才能戰勝個性中的自私吝嗇;唯有誠實才能破解謊言妄語。」

 

        接著,佛陀便誦出以下的偈語:

不怒勝瞋恚;

以善制邪惡;

布施治慳吝;

誠實破妄語。

 

        尸莉摩及在場的聽眾皆因佛陀的教誨而證得了初果,尸莉摩不再當名妓,決定從良,積極的護持僧團與行善。

 

Story of Uttara and Sirima

Myanauug U Tin, Burma

From the day Uttara went to the house of her husband, she was no longer privileged to approach a monk or a nun, to give alms, or to listen to the Dhamma. After two and a half months she asked the maidservants, 'How much of the rainy season still remains?' They replied, 'Half a month, your ladyship.' So Uttara sent the following message to her father: 'Why have they incarcerated me? It would be far better to put a brand on me and proclaim me as a slave girl, than to give me over to such a heretic household as this. From the day I first entered this house, I have not so much as seen a monk, nor have I had the opportunity to perform any wholesome volitional actions.'

When her father received this message, he was displeased, saying, 'Oh how unhappy my daughter is!' So he sent fifteen thousand pieces of silver to her, together with the following message: 'There is a concubine in this city named Sirima, who receives a thousand pieces of silver a night. With this money have her brought to your husband's house and install her as his mistress. Then you can devote your time to the performance of wholesome volitional actions.'

So Uttara had Sirima summoned to her house and said to her, 'Friend, take this money and minister to my husband during the coming fortnight.' 'Very well,' replied Sirima, consenting to the proposal. So Uttara took Sirima to her husband. When Uttara's husband saw Sirima, he asked, 'What does this mean?' Uttara replied, 'Husband, during the coming fortnight my friend has offered to be your mistress. For my part, I desire to give alms and listen to the Dhamma.'

When Uttara's husband saw Sirima, who was a beautiful woman, he desired to take her as his mistress and immediately consented to the arrangement.

Thereupon Uttara invited the company of monks presided over by the Buddha, saying, 'Revered Sir, for the coming fortnight may the Exalted One take morning meals here and nowhere else?' On obtaining the Teacher's consent, she rejoiced at heart and said to herself, 'From this day forth, until the great Pavarana ceremony, I shall have the privilege of waiting on the Buddha and listening to the Dhamma.' And she bustled about the kitchen making the necessary arrangements.

'Tomorrow will be the great Pavarana,' thought her husband as he stood at his window looking towards the kitchen. 'What is that foolish woman doing?' When he saw her going to and fro arranging for the ceremony, her body moist with sweat and sprinkled with ashes and smeared with charcoal and soot, he thought to himself, 'Ah, in such a place, the fool does not enjoy luxury and comfort. 'I will minister to the samanas with shaven heads,' thinks she, and her heart rejoices as she goes about,' he laughed.

As he left the window, Sirima, who stood near him, thought to herself, 'What did he see to make him laugh?' Looking out of the same window she saw Uttara. 'It was because he saw Uttara that he laughed,' thought Sirima. 'Doubtless an intimacy still exists between them.' Although Sirima had lived in this house for a fortnight as a concubine, in the midst of splendour and luxury, she had forgotten that she was only a concubine, and imagined that she was the mistress of the house.

Sirima immediately conceived hatred towards Uttara and said to herself, 'I will make her suffer.' So, descending from the palace terrace, she entered the kitchen, and going to the place where the cakes were being fried, she took some boiling ghee in a spoon and advanced towards Uttara. Uttara saw her advancing and said, 'My friend has done a great service. This world may be narrow and low, but the goodness of my friend is great indeed. Through her help I have received the privilege of giving alms to the monks and listening to the Dhamma. If I cherish anger and hatred towards her, may this ghee burn me. If not, may it not burn me.' So saying, she suffused the jealous Sirima with thoughts of metta (loving kindness). When Sirima flung boiling ghee on her head, it felt like cold water. 'The next spoonful will feel cool,' said Sirima sarcastically. And filling the spoon again, she advanced towards Uttara with the second spoonful of boiling ghee.

When Uttara's maidservants saw her, they tried to stop her, crying, 'Get away you benighted heathen! What right have you to fling boiling ghee on the head of your mistress?' And springing to their feet in, every part of the kitchen, they beat Sirima with their fists, kicked her with their feet, and flung her to the ground. Uttara, although she tried to stop them, was unable to do so. Finally she stood over Sirima, pushed ah of her servants away, and admonished Sirima, saying, 'Why did you do so wicked a deed?' So saying, she bathed her with hot water and anointed her with oil a hundred times refined.

At that moment Sirima came to her senses and realized that she was only a concubine. Straightaway she thought to herself, 'It was indeed a most wicked deed I committed when I flung boiling ghee on the wife of my master, merely because he laughed at her. As for this woman, instead of ordering her maidservants to seize me, she pushed them all away when they tried to harm me and then did for me all that could possibly be done. If I do not ask her to pardon me, my head is likely to split into seven pieces.' And forthwith Sirima fell at the feet of Uttara saying, 'Pardon me, my lady.'

Uttara replied, 'If my father, to whom rebirth is no more, will pardon you then I will also pardon you.' Sirima said, 'Very well, my lady, I will ask pardon of your father, but who is your father to whom rebirth is no more?' 'The Buddha, the supremely Enlightened One,' replied the generous Uttara. 'Tomorrow the Teacher will come here with his company of bhikkus. Bring what offerings you can, and come to ask his pardon.'

Rising from her seat, Sirima went home and ordered her five hundred companions to make ready to accompany her. Then she procured various kinds of foods and curries, and on the following day, taking these offerings with her, she went to Uttara's house. Not daring to place her offerings directly in the bowls of the company of bhikkus headed by the Buddha, she stood waiting. Uttara took all of her offerings and made proper use of them. After the Teacher had taken the meal, Sirima together with her retinue prostrated herself at his feet.

Thereupon the Teacher asked her, 'What offence have you committed?' 'Reverend Sir,' Sirima replied, 'Yesterday I attempted to injure my friend, but she only showed a turn of kindness to me. Recognizing her goodness, I asked her to pardon me, but she said, 'I will pardon you, if the Teacher will pardon you.' Then the Buddha asked, 'Uttara, is this true?' 'Yes, Revered Sir,' she replied. 'My friend flung boiling ghee on my head.' 'What thoughts did you then entertain?' asked the Buddha. 'Revered Sir,' replied Uttara, 'I suffused her with loving kindness, thinking to myself, 'This world may be narrow and low, but the goodness of my friend is very great indeed. Through her help I have received the privilege of giving alms to the Buddha, Dhamma and Sangha. If I cherish anger and hatred towards her, may this ghee burn me. If not, may it not burn me.'

The Teacher said, 'Well done, well done, Uttara. That is the right way to overcome anger. Anger should be overcome with loving kindness. He that utters abuse and slander may be overcome by him who refrains from uttering abuse and slander. An obstinate miser may be overcome by the giving of one's own. A liar may be overcome by speaking the truth.' So saying, he uttered the following stanza:

'Conquer anger by love; conquer evil by good; conquer selfishness by giving; conquer lies by truth.'

 

 

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